Max’s Onion headlines Vol. 3

Area man resolves to get off ass and do some of 2004’s Spring Cleaning this weekend Woman hoarding vacation days for something special finally snaps and uses them all on epic bender Teenage boy starting to take extra-long showers after discovering hygiene Novelty wearing off of Original Sin for longtime churchgoer World’s secret societies increasingly…

NFL Coaches Divisional Playoff tactics reinterpreted in the context of a Jeopardy! match

I wrote this during the week following the NFL’s Divisional Playoffs, but due to some extenuating circumstances (getting rejected by McSweeney’s), couldn’t get it up until now. From Mike McCarthy’s ‘close but no cigar’ game to Bruce Arians’ aggressive crunch time calls to Andy Reid’s perpetually inexplicable clock management failure, there was a lot of…